SjP's Answer to the Immigration Problem in America: Use the Alphabet

There is no doubt that many see illegal immigration as a huge problem in America today. And, surprising at it might be, I "understand" Arizona's desire to do something about it. But, the problem with the Arizona is  that they passed a legislation that's impossible to apply in an equitable fashion across racial and ethnic lines in an effort to ward off potential illegal and terrorist activity. So, I've come up with a solution that maybe Arizona's governor might consider while the injunction is in place.

First, round up everyone whose last name begins in a vowel. That's right, if the last name ends in an A, E, I, O, or U its necessary under this plan to prove that you are a law abiding citizen of the United State with no criminal ties in your background or heritage. Remember, surnames ending in a vowel are dead give aways of some type of hyphenated American, so these people have to be checked out.
Surnames like GarciA, OrtegA, and VegA are clear indicators that the ancestors of those bearing this name didn't arrive to the America on the Mayflower. So it is only natural that  their  purpose and intentions of being in the US would be questioned. These individuals might have relatives in a Spanish speaking drug cartel ridden country and we certainly do not want them here. Others who may fall into this category may also have surnames that end in S or Z (Flores, GomeZ, GonzaleS, RodrigueZ, etc.) so be sure to pay these individuals very close attention also.

Although, surnames ending in E can be a little tricky, don't let this fool you by any means. You have to consider that it possible that someone coming to our shores for the purpose of furthering the illegal enterprises of the Italian or Sicilian Mafias might change the last letter of their name to be less conspicuous. Remember, Vito AndolenI became known as the infamous Vito CorleonE and we all know what happened after that! CaponE, GenovesE, LucchesE. But remember, sometimes the I isn't dropped for an E, so it is very necessary to be weary of names like MancinI, LombardI, ContI, RiccI, etc. Of course, it will be a good idea to use this rule to round up those with last names ending in O (MarinO, RamanO, ColumbO, etc.) because you simply do not want to take the chance that they are furthering "the family business".

And anyone with a last name ending in U must be on the list just in case they may have Asian Triad ties (ZoU, HoU, LU, KatsU, ChU etc.). So, they must be checked out. Rounding up these individuals should not be too difficult as most can be found in the areas "Chinatown" or local nail shop. Included in this potential threat are those with surname ending in N, M, G, or H SuN, HaN, LieM, ChanG, TsenG, BeH.
Now, that takes care of the vowels, lets move on to the consonants that might help to determine who belongs here and who doesn't. 

All those with surnames ending in ICH, VICH, SKI, SKY, LEV, NKO, etc. must be rounded up because these individuals have direct or ancestral ties to the Russia or the former Soviet Union. Although some of the recently arrested 10 Russian spies "normal American" names (Murphy and Chatman), at least one of them had a surname that would have made my round up list if my suggestions had been used: SemeNKO. So, it is fair to say that individuals with last names like AbeLEV, AstapkoVICK, DaletSKY, KouptchinSKI, StrogoLEV, or TchecheNKO may not know that the Cold War ended, or that the Soviet Union got all busted up or that the KGB no longer exists. So, they need to be rounded up just to make sure they got that memo.

The last group of individuals I suggest rounding up are those who have infamous surnames. DNA samples will be necessary from these individuals for very obvious reasons. We need undeniable proof that they are not in the same gene pool of those who made history because of their crimes. We need to make sure that they do not possess any latent tendencies to replicate the heinous of possible ancestors. The round-up list must include, but is certainly not limited to, individuals with the following last names: BOOTH, GACY, DILLINGER, BUNDY, DAHMER, GILMORE, KEATING, MANSON, OSWALD, RAY, and McVEIGH. 

I have some other ideas on this subject, but this post is already too long. But, I really wanted to share some of my suggestions with you. I truly believe that these suggestions warrant real consideration by the Arizona governor as well as other governors thinking about how to help the Feds do their job patrolling the borders and keeping illegal aliens out of the country - most of whom only want pursue life, liberty, and happiness. The way I see it, my suggestions make about as much sense as the "breathing while not white "one struck down today. Only difference is that mine didn't come out of a bigoted rectal orifice.

Much Obliged, Very Much Obliged... SjP

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**Disclosure: The Feds say I gotta tell ya'll that I have received financial compensation for some posts at SjP's. Like ya'll didn't already know.